Promises That Were Always Going to Hurt

Promises made to yourself
affirmations written in stone
you want them to stand 
as there is failure in promises external
you want to hold those ones internal
you fight all the battles 
it takes discipline to hold the lines
against the old enemy
the voices, the doubts
you want to work hard
you want to change
to make that stick and hold
I hear them say he needs to move
but they dont know what i do
what i have told myself
I need to keep it this time, 
they know all about the breaking of vows too hard to keep
the ones I have told
the ones I held out in public
I don't want to repeat that
She doesn't know what I have said
in the night alone, promised to me
should I say what i'm fighting
I think she might have some idea
that the battle is raging
courage held under fire
that i saw her and something broke
that I was right there in wanting her
I held back and she doesn't know
she may understand why I was not direct
I'm still not and its not her
I am fascinated beyond my belief
I cannot stand to keep it casual
she is something that i never thought would come